living in the now

Still rambling about running. Sometimes other things.

Connecting the Dots

Why am I mentally ready to train for a big race, and possibly another marathon, but I continuously feel like I'm struggling? While lack of sleep is a factor and not eating great is another, there's much more to it. 

I struggle with talking about this too candidly, but I have thought about my ups and downs of running in the past 10 years and am really starting to figure out why the lows seem so low. When I'm in a good spot in my career, running follows suit. When I'm struggling or in a mode of question things, running struggles. 

At least that's what it seems like. 

You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path.
— Steve Jobs

The reality is quite the opposite and I've learned enough from my past that I think I can get out of this rut without getting in more of a funk.  

I do not stress out at my job -- I've taken enough personality and work-related tests to know that I effectively handle stress in positive ways. Running helps that. But in my day-to-day career when I'm pondering decisions and have a longer to-do list, I can't seem to put together a training schedule that eventually leads to weighing 10 pounds less, PRs and overall happiness. 

I don't dislike my job, but there is a lot going on with it right now that directly correlates with me not wanting to spend time thinking about running in the evenings and then, subsequently, getting up in the mornings and actually running. 

That begs the question of how to fix that -- it's almost as if I just have to sign up for a bigger race, set some kind of training plan and go for it. I've always said that when my running is going well, everything else in life makes sense. My problems are not work-related; they're running related. 

And when I fix those issues, my career will make more sense. It's at least worth a try again.

Now, though, which races should I go for ...