Did I find it?
I have another post in draft form that ranks my worst races ever, but I quickly noticed something when I started it -- they've all happened since late spring 2012.
In this 3-year span, I've had many more downs than ups. I've had a lot of doubt. I occasionally have some break-through moments, but nothing stands out as outstanding. After "peaking" in early spring that year, I've been on an endless spiral of mostly bad races.
As I mentioned in my last post, I seriously considered taking a several-month hiatus from racing, but the Blue Ridge Half has sparked something in me that I haven't felt in way too long. Then today the race photos showed me something I haven't seen in myself after a race in a really long time: pure, unscripted, non-selfie smiling happiness.
I've always said that my ultimate goal with running is to be happy. It's a tough thing to achieve, but once I do, it's always such an indescribable feeling.
I didn't realize on Saturday that I was, indeed, happy. I'm not 100% happy with my current state of running and overall fitness right now, but I am happy that this is what I looked like in the moment.
Happiness shouldn't be forced, and I think I've tried to force it for 3 years now. I'm done with that. I'm just going to run right now. A few miles here and there, some days longer than others, sometimes faster, sometimes slower. I'm not making any long-term plans for a few weeks either, nor am I setting any other goals.
Running just to run ... who's in?