living in the now

Still rambling about running. Sometimes other things.

About that (almost) last marathon, again

Yesterday was the Richmond Marathon and I was in bed holding a sick baby at the start time. I, too, was blowing my nose a few times after being sick this week.  

But on Saturday, I found myself really wanting to be at the start line going for another sub-4 hour marathon. My Facebook memories make my attempt from six years ago still feel like a fresh wound - what felt like a perfect training session that summer and early fall turned out to feel like a lot of wasted time.

It was so bad that it turned into “Plan Z” as the title of a blog post. Only today have I actually gone back to look at those old posts, and I still don’t understand why that day was so bad.

And now I’m sitting here wondering why that one day ruined my desire to run long distances. I wrote a post in late November 2012 about being done with 26.2 miles “for a while.” I really only intended to be done with marathon training for a year or so, but that “while” has now turned into an almost six-year drought with very little desire to train for it again until recently.

I still feel like I need to redeem myself for the three attempts in this race that have fallen short. I briefly debated whether I should sign up for the 2019 race now, but I know that will only distract me from the Blue Ridge Marathon training that I need to focus on soon.

Every year on this anniversary, I tend to write things about getting over that race and getting over myself. The truth is, I won’t. I’m not going to try to. I don’t feel like I need to anymore.

I just need to focus on what I want to do in the moment and focus on just getting somewhere close to the shape I was in that summer before the race.