Removing the shell
Those of you who haven't been runners all your life will know what I'm about to write about ... it's really tough to put yourself out there. It's tough to set goals and make or beat them when you know other people are watching. Ever since I started writing about my running a few years ago, I have struggled a lot with being completely honest. I've shied away from setting goals or making them public with fear of letting myself down, and maybe letting others down. But I've realized something this winter -- my shell is coming off. I'm being as honest as I can with myself and have slowly let things out in my writing that I probably wouldn't have before. I've been fully open about running changing me in the first third of 2010, but I often struggle with the right words -- this post is part of that.
I've also realized this year that if I make my goals public, I will do them. And if I express any doubt in myself, I have a virtual support group out there that will pick me up. Last week I would not have made it to 100 miles in April if not for comments on this site and over on Daily Mile. Little comments of "you can do it" go a long way now. Three years ago I would have blown comments like that off, but hitting some of the lowest of lows in the past two years have taught me not to take things like that for granted.
So this all brings me to May. At the beginning of each new month I am finding myself wanting to set more and more realistic goals, which will all lead to a great year. While my running will continue to take center stage, I have to get my weight closer to where I want it to for this summer. So May is my reset button with nutrition and getting some more pounds off. I started the year at 197.2 -- my highest in about four years and probably my highest since first losing weight in 2004 (highest was 220; I got down to 180). I've managed to get 8 pounds off so far, but that's where it stops -- 189.2 is a number that just keeps popping up on the scale.
The good news, I guess, is that I've maintained my weight. The bad news is that I ran a lot more in April and ate a lot of things that I shouldn't have resulting in the "no change." I got to where I wanted to be for Shamrock and I fortunately didn't turn around and gain a few pounds back like usual, so that is a great thing. But for May, I have to refocus. If I can run every day in the month of April and hit 100-plus miles in a non-training month, then I can certainly lose 5 pounds this month. I won't give this a cheesy name for the fifth month of the year, because that will set me up for failure. (See 31 in 31 for cheesy names and my failure to kick off the year.)
Simply put, I want to be under 185 by the time June gets here. I'll worry about a number after that once I get there. If I can do this, marathon training is going to be fantastic this summer.
While I'm putting all this out there, I have once again started the 100 push-ups challenge. I was rolling along with this until I banged up my elbow in January, and I honestly had to separate myself from it for a while. I had to get over the disappointment again before re-starting. More on that later, but my initial test and day one went pretty well.